for the emptiness of war remains…

I got sick. Thankfully not Covid. I was coughing and hacking with a temperature. The temperature subsided but the cough has hung around. In more normal times I would have gone back to work. Suddenly however I thought about what those around me would think as I coughed and sneezed. So I stayed home.

But the guilt.

Am I malingering?

What will they think of me?

They depend on me?

How messed up a world when you are not allowed to take care of yourself!

So I sat here yesterday and felt guilty watching the war slowly unfold until I gave up and binged the Resident Evil series of movies. Alice taking on the corporations.

It’s 7:30 a.m. and most everyone has either gone to work or school or some combination, Ben will come over soon to shower and head out to school and I’ll be sat here again with my guilt and confusion at being sat home sick(?) the question keeps coming up “how sick am I?”

As if I have to justify this.

So I put Mark Hollis on the record player and sat still. Its a record that demands attention.

It’s a beautiful album and if it was to be a final statement then it’s all here. Passion, compassion and brilliance.

I was thinking what a loss when he stopped recording. Then I realized that it was really a gain for his family. How often do we do the right thing? Our work says they can’t do without us so we sacrifice, health, relationships and our own well being to be “productive” at work instead of in our life.

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