I’ll buy you six fillies to put in your stable…

There is no greater satisfaction in life than obliterating the enemy totally. I am normally a fairly peaceable man, prone to pacifism even. There has however been one creature that has caused me to reconsider my normally peaceful manners. I hate yellow jackets and I especially hate the variety that nest in the ground so you can step on them.

So far I have spent approximately twenty or so dollars on chemicals to kill the little bastards to no avail. I have suited up in the cooling 70 degree evenings in long pants a hoodie, hat and bandanna like some freaking insurgent to take on the freaky yellow and black bastards. I have sprayed powdered and foamed the little bastards. There nest must have been like some Viet Cong bunker back in “Nam though because after a day or so the new crop of bastards hatched and out they came to attack.

I have watched many a youtube video on how to get rid of them, chuckled at the comic antics of others as they got stung attempting to take on the insect surge.

For all you animal, even insect lovers out there I want to be real clear, the yellow jacket is not a pollinator, it is not a bee and it is absolutely not endangered. They do serve one purpose which is they get rid of some insects. Their man purpose however is to latch onto the innocent and sting and let’s be clear these bastards can and will sting multiple times, they are loathsome creatures

Last night I followed the advice of my friend Mike, he is one of those organic types that cares for all the little creatures and he grows some wicked tomatoes and other plants. He does however share a hatred for yellow jackets and he frowned at the tale of my chemical warfare that I had been waging. He made a suggestion of following this recipe, 1 gallon of vinegar, 1 pound of salt and some dish soap and hot water, put this down the hole and then stick the garden hose in to drown the little fuckers.

At this point I was feeling the only option left was to fill the hole with gas and set it on fire, however I live in a woodland and that seemed like it could have some negative impacts. So I went with the hippy natural method.

The downside of this was that I would have to get way too close to the nest but shit I have already been stung 8 times doing this so what was the worst that could happen. Preparations were made, the time was set at 7:45 for D-Day. I tried to get Tom to video this but he looked at me like I was an idiot and said he would watch with Michelle and Cody behind doors. Off I went at the allotted time with the five gallon bucket in one hand of the concoction and the hose pipe. All went smoothly and to be honest a little disappointingly, I wanted a cloud of venomous insects falling out of the sky, what happened was some bubbling and gurgling and not much else, however the war has been won and I can now stroll fiercely across the yard to the creek without fear. This morning I dug the nest up and there was nothing to see, not even any dead wasps so I think they may have been deeper.

In other news Autumn is approaching and it seems appropriate to lay Songs From The Wood. Not much to say apart from today it is my favorite Tull album, full of innuendo, silliness and whips and with all that I am going camping tomorrow.